Try again! News flash for Herman Cain — “It worked for Newt Gingrich.” Of course I’m speaking of having baggage in your closet and thinking you can run for the highest office in the land. (Did you sit back several months ago, knowing you’ve had sexual harassment charges and settlements in your past, along with a long-standing extramarital affair and think you could run for the GOP nomination and not be found out?) Funny, you don’t appear to be stupid.
But back to my point. Look at Newt — he left public service a dozen years ago under a cloud of controversy, involved in scandals around his ethics. Okay, we got it then, typical wealthy and out-of-touch politician who was driven by greed. Then he impressed us with extramarital affairs, cheating on his first wife and leaving her as she was getting help to treat her cancer. Fucking scumbag. But wait, it gets better, he cheated on wife number 2 (the ‘cheated with’ from the previous scenario) and left her for the current wife. Asshole. (Isn’t there a three-strike rule?) Then he prostitutes himself by taking close to $2 million in fees from Freddie Mac, a public government-sponsored entity — after swearing that their leadership should be jailed for poor decision making as the Obama administration bailed them out last year. Oh Mr. Gingrich, unlike Mr. Cain, you DO look stupid. (Maybe you and #3 should write a book on this subject, or maybe a documentary is in order.)
But the far right, lead by so-called ‘good Christians’ and ‘people of God,’ are behind this man, and they can get behind you too. Just continue your ways of preaching against the ills of man, like cheating on your wife and ill-gotten riches off the back of the working man, and you’ll be loved again too. The GOP has a short attention span and is selective on their recollection of the virtues that make up a decent, upstanding man. You have a great future ahead of you.
I Got Issues* 