All aboard, and move quickly

Let's keep the pressure on the airline industry and in addition to focus on pilots that drink before flying or those that forget to land at their destination, we need improvement in the boarding process.  If you've flown recently, I'm telling you something you don't already know!

The airlines have all these rules regarding carry-on baggage that are never enforced and yet a big headache in boarding centers around carry-on.  We don't need more rules or consumer laws to address this issue, we need the airlines to have the balls to enforce the rules already on the books.

Let's start with he business travelers who don't like to check — this group includes me but I never break the rules!  Some of these knuckleheads carry several bags, including a computer and one or two roll-on bags.  And some woman business travelers get away with several shoulder bags including purses.  Sometimes these folks slow down the boarding as they trudge through the isle, bumping into everyone along the way and then taking up more than their share of the overhead compartments.  Then by the time you or I get to board, there isn't room in the bin for our stuff.  "Wait," says the attendant, "there's room in the bin just above row 38."  But wait, I'm seated in an exit row above the wing and you want me to place my small carry-on at the back of the plane?  That makes me the last guy off the plane as you have to wait for everyone else to de-plane before going back to grab your bag.

There is also the moron who thinks his bag isn't too large and drags that 45-pound beast on board anyway.  Then he stops all boarding traffic behind him as he attempts to stuff that bag into the overhead bin.  It's pure entertainment when you're already seated and you get to watch this — I promise there are at least 2 or 3 of these idiots on each flight.  In the end, their bag often ends up being taken off the  plane and sent below for loading.  But it's the amount of time wasted accommodating these turkeys that slows down the process, which leads to late departure.

One more segment of traveler I'd like to see follow the rules for carry-on?  The plane's crew!  How about they follow the same rules they expect the rest of us to follow and limit their carry on baggage?  Or better yet, save the storage space for us, the paying customer, and except for their purse maybe, have crew store all their baggage below deck.  The airline staff can set the example and that would make the enforcement of their rules more palatable to the  flying  public.

I feel better now, but need I worry about my trip back to Detroit Friday afternoon?

California Governor makes sexual advance at Assemblyman

Is this letter by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to the California State Assembly a coded message to the bill's author or is it a mere coincidence that is being blown up by the media. 

Don't be stupid.  Whoever authored this note knew exactly what he or she was doing — it's brilliant!  Don't think for a moment that the Gov wasn't getting back at the bill's author for his heckling of Schwarzenegger earlier this year during an address. 

Who knows, maybe this sort of wackiness is the  result of years of steroid abuse — you know what they say: acne, irritable personality, shrunken testicles and secret messages.  You be the judge, read down the left margin and collect the  first letter of each line. 

(The popular media is asking if the governor is sending an angry message.  Of course I set my own trends here and I'm suggesting he's making a pass at this bill's author — don't forget to include the "I" from the line starting, "I am returning …."  Oh yeah, for a guy with broken English, this truly is sexual harassment!)

Arnold's Letter

Stupid at 35,000 feet

No surprise that the two NWA pilots would get their licenses revoked — what a couple of morons.  From someone who flies a bit, I would never want to think that the captain in charge of the plane was surfing the internet when he should have been landing the plane.  Imagine looking down at your watch about 20 minutes before due to land and noticing that the engines haven't slowed, there's been no descent and there is no update from the flight deck. I'd be pretty freaked out  that the pilots are either stoned or dead and that there is no one in charge of the controls behind the barricaded cockpit door.

These two idiots say they were distracted.  They claim to have been working on their personal computers.  Can you imagine them looking at their computers then looking out their window and seeing F-16 jets aiming to shoot the plane down?  WTF?

I am betting these two had their pants down to their ankles and were surfing porn.  Confiscate those computers and find out exactly what they were doing on them – it would be interesting to know exactly what could have distracted them.  (Isn't it odd that the voice that tells us to turn off phones and computers because they may interfere with the equipment were using their computers?  That would have been my story.

ESPN — Top 100 Places to Work

Phillips HundleyFirst glance of this photo, what do you see?  Okay, get beyond the fact that you're not sure if the shorter person is male or female — it's a young woman.  Maybe you see a dad with his arms around his daughter during family day at the college campus?  Or maybe you see a handsome, married, father of four sons 47-year old sports analyst from ESPN with his arms around a 22-year old co-worker who he has been having sex with while traveling for his work.  Focus ….. See it now? 

(Funny how the press picked a not-so-flattering picture of the two.  And of course, so did I!)

I know what you're thinking, and NO, I don't know if he's Republican — his political orientation is beside the point.

Meet Steve Phillips.  He's a fucking grown man having a sexual romp with what amounts to a child — at least someone old enough to be his child!  Yes, another fine role model for all young people, especially his 4 sons.  We've seen so much of this lately, with the likes of South Carolina Governor Sanford  and the deceased football player Steve McNair — I hope it's not the start of a "men with 4 sons do stupid things with their dick" trend.  (I only have 3 sons, so I'd be safe anyway.)

This guy sucked as the GM for the New York Mets baseball team for a lot of years when ESPN decided he was a baseball expert and made him an analyst for the sport.  Shame on the network:  they employed him for his looks.  Now my question to ESPN is what do you tell the family of this equally stupid young lady?  You created an environment where this sort of thing was allowed to happen and was likely seen by other employees — what have you done to protect her? 

Well Steve, you've really gone and messed things up.  This chick goes Fatal Attraction on your ass:  writes your wife a detailed letter outing the whole relationship, and then starts texting your two oldest sons.  Hate to kick a guy when he's down, but dude, like the other assholes mentioned earlier, you brought this on yourself.  ESPN should fire your ass.

Have an AAPL a day

AppleOkay, who among you saw this coming?  Apple kicked some butt when reporting Q3 results.  Because if you did, and if you were smart — you were holding shares of the glorious AAPL.  I neither saw this coming nor am I particularly smart, but I do know one thing, I was lucky to be feeling something about Apple.  I picked up 100 shares just weeks ago after buying the iPhone for my work. 

Long-time BlackBerry user and devotee, but their smart phones don't work with Exchange servers running ICA.  (Don't ask because I don't know!)  And of course my company's servers are running ICA so I had to do what many of my colleagues did in recent months, I went over to the dark side.

Then I got to know the iPhone better and to my surprise, I really like this phone.  Yes, it's cool and has some pretty fun applications you can download for free.  And of course I get my corporate e-mail and contacts right to my mobile device but there's something more:  it's the visual aspect of the phone. 

I am one of those types that learns and is stimulated by what I see.  I like reports with graphs and charts more than those only containing data and narrative.  I need to 'see' what I'm working with in order to better accept and internalize.  The Apple iPhone fills that need.

So don't hate.  Yes, I'm cool — I carry the iPhone.  And yes, I just made some money this morning (the stock is over $200 a share and the markets aren't even open yet!), and that doesn't suck.

Wild Things, YES

Wild Things
Can't understand why all the parents are making a fuss about the movie Where The Wild Things Are.  You have no business taking your 4-year old to see this movie and then walk out exclaiming, "gosh, my little guy loves the book but he didn't get the movie."

Get a clue people — this movie wasn't made for children, next time do your homework before you set off to a movie you're not quite sure about.  (The pre-release hype should have tipped you off!)

This movie was adapted from a story that has been around since 1963.  Get it?  Your 4-year old is the third generation of readers of this story — this story was written for the now-adults that have been exposed to this beautiful story going back over 40 years.  My first-born grew up on this book — his absolute favorite when he was 4-years old.  HE'S 20 YEARS OLD NOW!  He enjoyed the movie, and by the way — he got it. 

So stop your bitching about how the story didn't live up to what you expected.  You should have left the little ones at home and took your spouse (or grown children) to see this one. 

Coors, get a clue!

Okay, seriously, can someone tell Coors Light two things:

  • First, their beer sucks.  (Full disclosure, I don't drink, but I heard their beer sucks.)
  • And second, their "hey coach" commercials where they splice video with the 3 or 4 knuckleheads that yell down to coachess on the sideline or in a press interview — they're pretty lame.  I can't imagine they get folks to drop the remote, get up and run out to buy that nasty product..  Enough already — what is the point in using video of Mike Ditka on the sidelines?  He hasn't coached in over a dozen years.

As though someone from the marketing group in Golden, CO has fallen asleep.